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Almost Killed Me (Suicidal)
Almost killed me the pain inside.
When left so cold and afraid,
I knew if I took those pills all would go away.
But I was scared.
I put the knife to my arms and legs.
And tried with all my might with that blade,
I knew there was no return to the way I've behaved.
But I was lost.
At 11 a friends dad pushed me into a door.
Spat and yelled in all the cursed words he knew,
I was in my own detention hall in his house as his voice blew.
But I was young.
I hid in my room after it happened and I cried.
Knowing this was my answer to being 12 that day,
Using the razor blades to cut out my pain inside to make it go away.
But I was suicidal.
I turned to pills the next day and drank them back.
My face turned a colour of black and white,
I wanted to just leave my body of dark in the midst of the night.
But I was stupid.
I requested help from my parents and they denied it all.
I couldn't face my friend that day not then not ever,
We split our friendship up that year and took years to get together.
But I was afraid.
I crept into the wine cellar and tried to do it again.
The blood pouring from my arms felt ever so good to me,
I felt all the pain from within his anger released my blood free.
But I was alone.
At 16, I did the same once again after my boyfriend committed suicide.
I couldn't face that thought of death in my mind,
But as I drew another cut I released the anger of a past I did find.
But I was emotional.
I took those bottle of pills and I cut til I felt it some more.
The past and present in my life once again,
I found myself with the blood that had once flushed from my veins.
But I was helpless.
The alcohol I drank seemed to bring me to that place.
The point of my no return of life and my death bed it longed await,
I was humbled by the sight of doctors saying it may have been too late.
But I was drained.
Something happened that night as the cold was taking me on my back.
The blood seeped through my body and my brain began to fade again,
The pal I had whose father did this to me came back to be my friend.
But now I'm alive.
- Author: Marianne Trox
- Age Rating:
- Category: Uncategorized
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